Ever thought that your problems and issues follow you around. It does not matter you are doing the downside of your personality or character shows through. Of course, you don’t have a downside of your personality so you. I know I do and this week I have been doing a review of all my websites that proves to me that this has been happening.
There is a trail of unfinished projects
A few months ago I sorted through the stuff in the bedroom because I have started the ball rolling for moving home. There were some unfinished projects that went back decades.
There were some dresses that I had started to make for my daughter before she started school. Oops, she has grown a bit as she is now older than I was when I started to make them. There were lots of things gathered for projects that were not completed or sometimes not even started.
The same is true with the websites. Trawling through three different hosting services revealed over 20 unique websites. I say unique as there were nearly as many duplicates. In the end, I whittled the list down to 15 unique sites that I wanted to continue to develop and make sure that they were all hosted on one hosting service. Even that is somewhat excessive but at least everything is more organised now.
They were all in various stages of development. One was simply a single sales page. then there was this site that has rather more pages than that. Some were simply text copied from old writings that were left abandoned while I got on with other things. One of them had 115 pages of text copied from an old book that I wrote. Some of them had somehow got to where they could be considered as completed.
It is now possible to come up with a development plan that will concentrate on those that need more work than others. It means that there is less risk of being beaten up because some projects are not being worked on.
Done is better than perfect
Some of the projects had come to a halt because I was trying to include everything. You see had l kept learning and learning more about the topic. It was as if I was greedy to know more and more. I was never satisfied. I was fearful that I did not know enough and that there was more and more to learn. For example, there were two incomplete books that were not finished as there were more details and even more ideas that needed to be included. A topic some people might have breezed over in a short eBook became an epic like War and Peace. One had even been split into 3 volumes with the first and second ones being around as long as War and Peace.
There were not completed because they were never good enough. They had to cover everything and if there was one idea or thought that was missing then there was something wrong with them. Yet look at the number of books are published in more than one edition. They are good enough to be printed but then there is a new edition. In the new edition, there is the opportunity to include new ideas are included and make any corrections that are needed. They may include updated statistics or information about the effect of developments since the first edition of the book was written.
It does not help that I am fighting the demons of quarantine. Somehow when I was a girl I picked up the idea that others needed to be protected from me. If I went anywhere it would be spoiled. If I wanted to be kind to others the best thing I could do was to keep out of the way. How can you ever put things like books out into the world if you believe that others should be protected from you?
One way of proving that you are incapable is trying to do so much that you cannot possibly succeed.
If you set a target that is beyond what anyone is capable of achieving it is a sure way of setting yourself up to fail. That is why the r in the acronym smart that is used for goal-setting stands for realistic.
Want to treat yourself badly all you have to do is aim to do the impossible and then beat yourself up for not being able to do it. Want to prove that you are incapable all you need to do is explain what you are trying to do to someone who does not really understand that world and make them believe that others can do it so there must be something wrong with you when you can’t.
Most people don’t even try to maintain that many websites. They do not spend a week reviewing content and making sure that they all reflect a newly adopted house style. house. They don’t check the plugins to see if they are all updated and delete any that are no longer required. They don’t go through every site and check there is a photo and a different and up to date about me page on each one.
What you expect is what you get
I keep working on these projects but without any real expectation that others will be interested. I know that this is the belief expectation cycle at work. If you have not heard about this it is where we believe something to be true but then behave in such a way that this is how others respond so their response just reinforces our belief.
It is a bit like if you believe you cannot succeed you won’t try very hard because then you will not be disappointed if you do not succeed. That last bit is a really good description of my marketing efforts.
The argument then becomes they are not interested because you are not good enough. When you have finally discovered the magic button that will make you good enough then people will be interested. Problem is that it becomes a vicious circle You believe the lie so you respond as if the lie is true. Somehow the power of the lie needs to be broken.
Breaking the chains
I had been lying in bed trying to figure all this out and work through the morass that seems to make up my mind at times. In fact, that is where I write the first draft of most of the posts on this blog. When I got up I noticed that I had received a copy of the latest email message from a Rabbi from New York who teaching I often find very helpful. He was telling the story of Moses and the bronze serpent. He was using his understanding of Hebrew to bring out a new meaning for me.
He made a link between the word for serpents that had plagued the people Moses was leading. You see the way the plague was dealt with to make a metal serpent and hold it up on a pole. Those who looked up at it were saved from the effect of the snake bite. His argument was that if you bring a problem out into the open rather than hide it then the sheer act of displaying it openly changes the situation.
There is a good side to all of this
When I have looked back most of the stuff I have written about or been concerned about for the last 10 years has been closely related. There is stuff about making and handling money. There is stuff about setting up a business or social action group that goes back 3 or 4 years.There is stuff about being ready to face the unexpected that goes back 10 years. That is reassuring at least I have found the right direction because I have stayed on it. A bit broad for a niche but at least it is a direction. Maybe all those different websites are the different niches.
Yikes, that looks like a lot of work keeping them in check. Maybe that is why this is now the only blog where stuff is regularly posted and then no more than once a week.